Leviticus 19:18 (Show me Leviticus 19)
You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
Fancily enough, I haven’t heard a message on this verse since I’ve been saved (three years, this month.) Yet, I remember it quite well. I believed in it before I was a Believer. You should love others just as much as yourself or more, but not more then God, of course.
Today I was struggling with the same old struggle I’ve fought for these three years. A particular sin I for some reason let defeat me. I was doing good, almost two weeks without even thinking on the subject, but there I was this morning, on my knees again, crying out for strength and forgiveness. I am so broken in this struggle, so weak and only God can hold me up. Sometimes I fail to see that Yesohua died to stop this for me, that He has won this battle.
This morning God gave me something else though, this verse and a line from a sermon I’d heard last week. I’ve been listening to various podcasts from CLC and other people so I can’t remember quite where I got it, maybe one of my own church meetings.
“Pray that God would let you see yourself as He sees you. See your heart as He sees it. See your life as He sees it.”
It’s not what these words actually say that struck me — it is the idea behind them. God’s love for us: it is why He created us and bothers with us at all. If we prayed for this, it’s for the purpose of improving ourselves into better bearers of His reflection and Grace. God loves us. God loves me. He loves me as He loves Himself. I love Him, much more then myself… but I don’t love myself much at all. This struck me so hard this morning.
All of my failures in character, in growing in Christ, in obtaining holiness and innocence… they are because I cannot get over who I am. What I am. What I was. I cannot love myself because I find everything about me, especially this struggle I mentioned, undesirable. Today I realized that I need to pray more then that quotation. I need to pray that I could have even half of the love God has for me for myself, too.
Otherwise I am doomed to sit on this one lowly step on the staircase to God.
2 Comments
yeah.
I was thinking about this verse just the other day…you know I do aweful stuff and I still love myself, but I hate what I do or think sometimes. So we are to love other people like that, love them but not love the sin. I cannot help but love myself because I am myself…hmmm. Very interesting *wanders off mumbling*
Wow, I just went back and reread this blog. I think last time I didn’t catch what you were saying. I don’t like to read so when I’m in a hurry I’ll just read the beginnings of the paragraphs and not really catch what’s going on and then drive people up the wall commenting unrelated things on them.
But to the blog, ExACTLY!!! I know what you mean, it’s so hard for me to love myself. Man it really hit home with me, just what I needed to hear today. Thanks. I love you girl. May God fill you with His love and strength and security.
I’m praying for you.
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