Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.- Proverbs 27:17
How have I let him sharpen me? Who did I let bring me to this point? I am responsible for who I am and what I am — I take full responsibility. But who is it that helped to sharpen me? My mother? Who have I allowed to help make me bitter, prone to indulgence and selfishness. My kindness stands, my generoisty stands, but my fire waivers.
I don’t even remember who I really was when I purchased this domain. I know that I was struggling, but the struggling has become blinding. I don’t know where I am, I am lost. Saved yet lost. Wandering around. I’m reading a book, The Host by Stephenie Meyer. As Wanderer/Melanie is lost in the desert, dying of thirst, I realize that I have felt that way in my daily life. I feel that dry, I feel that needy. I am alone and no one will help me.
God, save my soul. I am stupid, this is all that it amounts to. I make choices to do things, say things, and seek things that do not honor me or my God. I am hopeless without you. My soul does long for you. I thank you that you are thankful and that I can rely on. I pray that I might come back to my senses, seeking you with a full heart. This Christmas, I want to understand me and You, I want to remember and honor what Your birth truly means for everyone in existence. Thank You for taking on the form of flesh, that You may suffer daily until Your death and resurrection, just to show me, a stupid, stupid girl, how much You truly do care and love us all.
Amen.
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